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Turtles All The Way Down – Review

“The thing about a spiral is, if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tightening, infinitely.”

There are about a million different thoughts rushing through my brain about this book, but there’s really only one that’s important. If you’ve ever known someone to struggle with mental illness, this book helps open a window into understanding. And if you’ve ever struggled yourself, read this to know that you are not alone.

Aza has OCD. She can’t help but think of the billions upon billions of bacteria that reside in her body and how any one of them can hijack the system, completely taking over and possibly ending in her death. One thought can lead to another, and before she can stop, she’s being pulled into a thought spiral, which she calls invasives.

“It’s just an invasive. Everyone has them. But you can’t shut yours up. Since you’ve had a reasonable amount of cognitive behavioral therapy, you tell yourself, I am not my thoughts, even though deep down you’re not sure exactly what that makes you.”

When we first meet Aza, we meet her best friend Daisy along with all of their lunch table friends along with her disorder, all at the same time. It’s an amazing introduction. We are seamlessly submersed into the world of Aza and her friends. We also learn that there’s a billionaire fugitive on the loose with a sizable reward for information leading to his capture. Which would be simple lunchroom gossip, except, as Daisy is insistent to point out, Aza once knew his son.

This novel is a stunning coming of age, both vivid and breathtaking. But what sets it apart isn’t the raw honesty regarding living with mental illness. It’s that Green explores issues of substance, that anyone of any age can relate to in some fashion. This novel is wonderfully complex. It isn’t only when we are teenagers that we question the nature of our existence, or the meaning of love in all it’s beauty and consequence. But there is a certain poignancy in framing these questions not just in an adolescent perspective, but also in the specific view of mental illness.

“But I also had a life, a normal-ish life, which continued. For hours or days, the thoughts would leave me be, and I could remember something my mom told me once: Your now is not your forever.”

I don’t have OCD. But, I do have my own struggles, and everything Aza thinks and goes through is so relatable. The parts that aren’t relatable, are presented in such a raw way that they are easily understandable. I don’t know if others with anxiety or depression have them, but I really relate to thought spirals, things that invade my mind and paralyze me for moments, hours or even days at a time. They aren’t about bacteria or germs, but they are there nonetheless. It’s hard to explain them sometimes, and Green brings them to life, in all of their weird intensity.

More than that, Green is unflinching in his portrayal of the guilt, the loneliness, the fear and the uncertainty, and all the complex emotions that go along with mental illness.

“I know you’re not trying to make me feel pressure, but it feels like I’m hurting you, like I’m committing assault or something, and it makes me feel ten thousand times worse. I’m doing my best, but I can’t stay sane for you, okay?”

This is something that I rarely come across in books about mental illness. The way you feel like you have to be okay, even when you’re not, because people around you are worried about you. The pressure to make everything seem fine. It isn’t that they’re asking you to lie, necessarily, but the worry and the fear are palpable to you. It’s hard to explain why you can’t just be better. Why you can’t just be normal. So sometimes it becomes easier to just try and cover it all up. They don’t mean to add pressure, and you feel terrible for even suggesting that they’re making it worse. But they do, and sometimes they are.

This isn’t a book where we get a superficial look at the relationships in Aza’s life either. The relationship with Daisy was one of the best, in my opinion. Being best friends with someone is an intimate relationship. In some ways, even more intimate than a romantic one. I adored Daisy. She’s fun, sassy, funny, loyal and driven. But she’s complicated and struggles to understand Aza. Even more important than understanding her, is simply loving her and accepting her.

“What I want to say to you, Holmesy, is that yes, you are exhausting, and yes, being your friend is work. But you are the most fascinating person I have ever known.”

This struggle felt so real, because living with mental illness is exhausting sometimes, and loving someone with mental illness can be just as exhausting. It doesn’t need to be excused or justified or apologized for. And the honesty it took to examine this aspect of their relationship is heartbreaking and amazing.

We fight with our moms, our friends, people we know, sometimes people we don’t. Yet, when people know you struggle with mental illness in any facet, this fight tends to be held back. Your actions are excused, or justified, or worse, relationships get distant and fragile. So when you find people that will confront you, and fight with you, and make you feel normal (even when it makes you feel awful) it can feel monumental. Green gets that, and captures it beautifully.

“You remember your first love because they show you, prove to you, that you can love and be loved, that nothing in this world is deserved except for love, that love is both how you become a person, and why.”

I still feel that there is so much more to say about this book, but honestly, I don’t think I can capture everything in one blog post. This book made me feel so many things. I laughed, and cried, and flagged quote after quote. It is beautiful and necessary and such an important contribution to the conversation about mental health.

It isn’t easy to admit to mental illness. It’s even harder to describe that struggle. To open yourself up exposes you to the world in an intimate vulnerability that is difficult no matter who you are. John Green opens a piece of himself up to us by writing this gorgeous book. Aza is fictional, yes, but the truths written within her character are very real. So to him, I say thank you. Thank you, for writing a book that made me feel seen. That made me feel understood. That just made me feel.

I highly, highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone!

 

Awaken – Spotlight + Giveaway

AWAKEN

Good morning! Good morning! I am so happy to be a part of the Rockstar Book Tours blog tour for Awaken! Be sure to check out the rest of the tour, (links found below), or click the banner above for their website. They have amazing tours happening all the time. And don’t forget to scroll down for an awesome GIVEAWAY!!!!!

In the city of Daventry, citizens live without question of authority, liberty or even the ability to dream. Your purpose is determined by your placement within the Sectors of Society. 16 year old Ethan Drake is quiet and awkward without a lot of friends. Plagued by nightmares of people and places he doesn’t recognize, he struggles to fit in. Much to his classmates surprise, he is placed in the esteemed Technology Sector alongside the city’s top leaders. Soon his vivid and frightening dreams consume his life. He turns to his mentor, Dr. Godrik Stevens, a geneticist and the holder of many secrets to help him figure out what’s wrong with him. In their search for a cure, they uncover a secret about their beloved city so horrifying, it could change their lives forever. Of course, there are those who want the secret to remain hidden and soon Ethan finds himself in the middle of a war. Will he be able to find the answers he so desperately seeks before its too late?

Does that sound intriguing or what?! Awaken goes on sale December 5, links are below!

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Title: AWAKEN

Author: Georgina Kane

Pub. Date: December 5, 2017

Publisher: Fierce Girl Publishing House

Pages: 278

Formats: Paperback, eBook

Find it: AmazonGoodreads

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Georgina Kane – I graduated from St. Cloud State University with a BA in English Writing and Literature. I’ve been writing since childhood but I’ve recently started writing full length novels and short stories.

My first book is called Awaken – a YA scifi dystopian story of a 16 year old boy who finds out the secret his society has been keeping for hundreds of years.

I’m currently working on my second novel, Midnight Wolf – a YA supernatural thriller that follows three caster brothers who are sent to a high school to investigate supernatural attacks.

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Goodreads

DID SOMEONE SAY GIVEAWAY???

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Click the giveaway photo above for a chance to win:

3 winners will receive a $25 Amazon Gift Card, US Only.

3 winners will receive a signed finished copy of AWAKEN, US Only.

And don’t forget to check out the awesome blogs below for more reviews, interviews, guest posts, and amazing excerpts for this upcoming book!

Tour Schedule:

Week One:

11/13/2017- The Desert Bibliophile– Review

11/14/2017- Life Within The Pages– Interview

11/15/2017- Jrsbookreviews– Review

11/16/2017- Jena Brown WritesSpotlight

11/17/2017- PC Book Reviews & Book Tours– Guest Post

Week Two:

11/20/2017- Bibliobakes– Review

11/21/2017- BookHounds YA Interview

11/22/2017- TeacherofYA’s Book Blog– Review

11/23/2017- Wonder Struck– Excerpt

11/24/2017- Owl always be reading– Review

 

The Grip Of It – Review

“I worry he’ll think I’ve been keeping secrets. And then, because I don’t want to keep secrets, I keep more secrets.”

The Grip Of It is an eery novel about one couple’s struggle to live in a haunted house. Of course, they didn’t know it was haunted when they first moved in, but with each passing day, their grip on reality slips further and further from their grasp.

James and Julie decide that a move into a nice small town, away from their city problems and city life is the perfect solution to their most recent marital woes. Well, Julie decides this. And James goes along with her, because maybe it really will help. It can’t hurt to take his gambling problems far away from their constant allure. It can’t hurt to settle down somewhere with a slower pace to find their bearings once more. It can’t hurt.

“The span between hurt and help is not a span at all: a fine dotted line,”

When they are shown the older house, complete with hidden rooms and secret passages, they thrill at the idea of living somewhere so unique. When their offer for lower than the already low asking is accepted, they rejoice at their new start.

But almost right away, things begin to feel off. The neighbor stares through his window at them almost constantly, never acknowledging them, never talking to them. The house makes noises, at first vague and odd, but increasing in intensity and frequency. Items move without them moving it. But the time bruises begin to appear on Julie’s body and they question if they should move, it appears the house already has them firmly in it’s grasp.

“James and I are living in a Latin mass, memorizing ritual, reciting mysteries we’ve given up on deciphering, foreign syllables unrolling in order.”

This book had me on the edge of my seat until the end, when, well, things sort of took a confusing turn. Ending a horror story is a daunting task. Do you let them escape unharmed, the house waiting for the next victim? Do they become part of the haunting? Is it all a dream or a descent into madness? And how do you tie it up to the ending you want without making it feel predictable or cliche? Jac Jemc manages to write her ending so that it isn’t cliche, or predictable, but I also wonder if it was an ending at all.

The thing with supernatural subject matter is that often they leave us with a bit of a vague answer. The reader is required to form some opinions and the author drops them at a crossroads of paths. Usually, it is only a few paths, but they are there, ready to allow our imaginations to continue the journey and to follow our subconscious to our own conclusions. I really enjoy these types of books because they stay with me long after the pages have ended. These are the characters you think of like old friends you lose touch with. They exists, somewhere, because their endings were never written.

That said, this ending had more than a few crossroads at the end, and I’m not entirely sure it felt even close to wrapped up for me. We were being led down a path, but then at the last minute, Jemc turned on the light in the room and revealed that maybe there had been multiple paths happening all at once without our knowing. This is a trick we see sometimes in horror or suspense. M. Night Shyamalan does this trick exceedingly well in his movies. Except in his movies, we want to rewatch the story to revel in all the details we missed. The experience is added to, not changed.

With The Grip Of It, I felt like I needed to reread the entire book from the beginning to even try and figure it out. It wasn’t to add to my experience, but rather a need to understand it. Options and paths were added at the end, that felt at odds with what we were initially presented with in the beginning. In all, I felt somewhat confused.

There are vague endings full of uncertainty, and then there are vague endings that are entirely uncertain. The Grip Of It was the latter for me. Perhaps I didn’t pick up enough clues, or the right clues along the way. Maybe it was meant to be as ambiguous and unsettling as the characters felt. If so, then that part was well done. Like Julie and James, I have no idea what was real and what wasn’t. The house was haunted but there are so many loose ends, details that were presented but never answered. It’s difficult to not feel as if I reached the end only to find pieces missing.

But maybe that’s the point. Maybe this was less about the haunting and more about experiencing the haunting with them. We feel the unease, and the creepiness building in intensity until we are dying with curiosity to know what’s happening. We have to know, we want to know, but maybe some things aren’t knowable. Perhaps the greatest horror of all is never knowing.

Thank you FSG Originals for sending me a copy to read and review!

The Nine – Review

“It was a bloody awful way to die. It had been a bloody awful way to live.”

The Nine is a debut fantasy novel and what an incredible debut it is!!! Townsend has built an incredible world, full of interesting species and a plot with enough twists and turns to make the read feel like you’re on a roller coaster. And the characters!

Rowena Downshire is a young girl trying to make it in a cutthroat world. Her mother, and only living relative, is locked in a debtors prison. Everything she earns, and most of what she steals, goes to paying down that debt. But, with new charges always being added, the battle feels never-ending to her. Her job as a courier for a black market delivery boss is the best life she can hope for, even if he is cold and brutal and unforgiving.

When Rowena is robbed delivering a mysterious book that seems to write itself to the even more mysterious and feared Alchemist, Rowena is terrified Ivor is going to kill her for the blunder. Deciding to risk going straight to the Alchemist instead, she finds herself in the middle of a complex and deadly mystery.

“It was the question Rowena had been dreading. She’d been under the Alchemist’s roof for nearly an hour and barely had anything been said of the package.”

Revered Phillip Chalmers didn’t intend on being part of anything historical or groundbreaking. His research with his partner Doctor Revered Nora Pierce was exciting, but he should have known she would push boundaries. Now, days before they are give the keynote speech in front of their peers, Nora has gone missing. When a young girl courier delivers a note from Nora making him fear the worst, he insists on giving the girl the book that started it all. Except, when the door to his office shatters later that night, he realizes that he should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy.

Rowena and The Alchemist, also known as The Bear, turn to Anselm Meteron, former mercenary and all around nefarious character for help. They have a history extending far back, though how exactly they are intertwined comes much later in the book.

“Something in the cold calm of Anselm Meteron’s voice told Rowena there were very few games he played that were at all fair to his opponents.”

Rowena, The Alchemist and Meteron must figure out who took the book and why, and how the missing Reverend Chambers fits into the puzzle. Of course, that isn’t easy with bribed officials trying to put you in jail, along with the deadly aigamuxa hunting down anyone even loosely associated with the book.

There is a lot happening within these pages. It isn’t just the primary mystery driving the plot forward, but also the smaller mysteries within the characters. The Nine is an amazing blend of both plot and character driven momentum and each page demands to be turned so that you can be closer to unraveling the answers to all the questions presented. It is complex in all the very best ways!

The world building is fascinating. It feels as if it could be our own world propelled far into some distant future, but the addition of the species the lanyani and the aigamuxa makes it clear it is a world far different from ours. With nods to steampunk, this world is detailed and unique.

One of the most fascinating parts of the plot was the blending of religion and science. In fact, this is one of the key tenets of the plot, the book that God wrote to keep track of his experiment, The Nine.

“Magic was just what the ignorant called systems they couldn’t understand in an organized universe.”

It was very interesting to read how they veered from the Old Religion to incorporate religion and all it’s tenets into a pillar of science. The tenets of the science was well done as well. Not overly explained, but not vague and uninteresting. I actually really liked how it was presented, examined and how it tied into the plot. Not to mention the Grand Experiment, which I won’t get into for fear of spoilers.

We get many more characters sprinkled throughout these pages, and even the more minor characters are very fleshed out. Rare was one of my favorites, although, she did drive me crazy with some of her decisions. City Inspector Gammon, Beth and Lord Regenzi were some of the more notable side players, and it was very interesting how their importance was woven in. But none of them quite weaseled their way into my heart the way Anselm did.

“My name is Anselm Meteron, and I’m a villain with a penchant for self-aggrandizement and a portfolio of maladjusted habits.”

I mean, come on! How can you NOT love someone who introduces themselves like that?! I want to be friends with Anselm and all his maladjusted habits. Also, is it bad form to steal that line for all future introductions?

In all, this was a very fast, very enjoyable read. The Nine is a first in a series, and I know I am dying for book two! The ending isn’t quite a cliff hanger so you do feel satisfied, but there are enough loose ends that when you start thinking about the book, you get questions bubbling to the surface. Amazing debut and I am thrilled I was able to read this!

The Nine is released TODAY! If you love complex fantasy with amazing characters, awesome world building and a ton of mystery, this book is definitely for you!

Thank you Prometheus books for sending me a copy to read and review!

Army Wife – Review

“There’s nothing better than welcoming your husband home from war — nothing except welcoming your sons.”

Army Wife is the perfect name for this memoir describing how being married to a soldier really is. Her voice really shines through in this telling memoir, and she strikes me a very fun and sassy woman. That spark made reading the book fly by.

Cody doesn’t hold back or glamorize her life as a military spouse, and later as a military mom. She fully admits to her doubt and frustration over moving and living alone during deployments. Fear as her husband and then her sons deploy into combat zones. Life in the military isn’t easy, and life as a military spouse isn’t any easier.

“Life is full of surprises, but I don’t think we fully understand and appreciate that until we are pushed out of comfort zone, backed into a corner, and tested in ways we don’t expect or anticipate.”

We are taken through the story of her life, from the moment she met Dick Cody forward. Cody writes with a fast paced cadence, sprinkled with a sharp sense of humor, a trait that I’m sure held her together numerous times. Strength is one thing. Being able to laugh at your trials is quite another. Perhaps she wasn’t laughing at the time, but her humor shines through in hindsight.

I was continually amazed at her emotional maturity and just how self-aware she comes across. She is very blunt and honest with her entire spectrum of feelings, talking openly about the honeymoon period that welcoming her husband often triggered to the struggle of readjusting to him in her daily life always triggered. And what shines through the brightest, is her knowledge of herself as an individual outside of being a mom or a wife. I think that awareness is what made living her (sometimes) tumultuous life possible. She never lost herself in the craziness and so she could weather any storm.

“But I never lost sight of who I was, as a woman and as a person. When they boys let home, I just had to shift gears and find my inner self again. (I think it was always there — I was just busy being a mom.)”

There are some heavy issues happening within these pages, and she doesn’t come across as flippant or superficial, but she doesn’t dwell on them either. If anything, Cody comes across as a woman that probably is a solid shoulder to cry on, is handy to have in a tight situation, and would give excellent advice. While her husband led an illustrious career, she doesn’t dismiss or forget that others were not as lucky. Her humility opens us up to a graciousness and gratefulness that is admirable.

One touch I really liked is her PS notes at the end of some chapters. She makes reference to the fact that often when her husband was deployed overseas, they couldn’t manage the time zones along with expensive phone bills, so letter writing became their primary method of communication. Letters that she still has to this day, that can bring her back to those moments in time just by looking at his handwriting. Those little PS notes felt like she was writing little letters to us in each chapter. They summarized and offered a more personal touch. They really made those notes feel like she was reaching across a table and grasping your hand.

But this book isn’t just about life as an Army Wife. It is also about life as an Army Mom.

“It was an important life lesson for all of us: we don’t always get what we want, and sometimes we have to change course.”

Reading the chapter on September 11, and how her boys were transitioning from their college lives into life as an active military member is emotional. It’s one thing to be a mom to soldiers during times of peace. It’s another during times of war. This time, she felt the sorrow of knowing people lost at the Pentagon, and the terror of her husband and both sons possibly deploying.

The reality of the her oldest’ deployment is once again told to us without restraint. It’s understandable that she feels angry at her husband for not going with him, combined with fear over what might happen and the lack of control. But it is a tender thing to read that for the first time her husband actually experienced what she felt every time he deployed. Every mother can understand that while watching her husband deploy was difficult; watching her sons deploy was excruciating.

“When you marry a soldier, you pretty much marry the Army and everything it stands for.”

Vicki Cody married a soldier. She married the Army and then she mothered it, both literally and figuratively. This book is her experience of that life. I’ve never been an Army wife, or an Army mother, but I expect that this is an honest and in-depth look at the reality of it.

While her life was filled with emotional ups and downs, it’s hard to deny it is an incredible one. Meeting First Lady’s and Presidents, living in historical houses, watching your husband on TV while he is a half a world away, meeting Wynona Judd and other celebrities; are all incredible moments for anyone to experience. Her life is her own, but is also intertwined with major historical milestones made very personal for her. But she didn’t simply sit and bask in her husband’s success. She worked hard to contribute to the support of not just his solders, but their families as well. It’s a fascinating journey.

One thing that struck me is not just how the Army is a massive network comprised of soldiers. We don’t really see that side of the Army in this book. Rather we see the network of civilians who support one another in amazing ways. Support groups, and newsletters, and monthly meetings. The human touch that makes living with all that fear and worry a little more bearable. You marry the Army, but that means you get a spouse in return.

Sometimes it’s easy to think of the Army as a nameless faceless entity. It’s easy to get lost in the political commentary surrounding that entity. Army Wife brings back the point that the Army, the Navy, the Air Force; they are all filled with people. Men and women, husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, daughters and sons. These are people, who worry, who love, who are willing to face unknown threats anywhere in the world. This was the perfect book to read this weekend.

“I had come to realize that being a soldier is more than a job, more than a career; it’s an affair of the heart, a way of life.”

Thank you to all the soldiers and their families for your service. We wouldn’t be the country we are without you.

Thank you as well to Booksparks and She Writes Press for sending me this book to read and review!

Perfectly Undone – Review

“Dad always told me, “People should never forget where they come from,” as if it’s possible to erase it from memory. Maybe if I could forget my past, I’d finally get a hold on my future.”

Dr. Dylan Michels has it all. A fantastic job doing what she loves, the chance to further her career and her research to help save women, and an amazing boyfriend who is there for her no matter how hard she works. So, when he proposes, why does she go running into the rain?

We know up front that Dylan is obsessed with her grant research, and her career, because of her sister’s death. We don’t know how exactly she died, only that Dylan somehow feels responsible for it. And her entire family relationship is centered around this loss. She is distant from her mother, who also holds on to Abby as much as Dylan, but they can’t grieve together. Her father and brother share their grief, but only on the anniversary date, so while on the surface they seem close, it also feels more frail than it appears.

And then there’s Cooper. Her boyfriend of 9 years. The man who loves and her accepts her and is always rooting for her. Even when her life hasn’t settled into the one he hoped for. He has the family she wants, and couldn’t think of life without him. Which is partly why she drove me a little crazy.

Here’s the thing about Dylan: I didn’t particularly like her. Don’t get me wrong, I understood her, where her character was coming from, the determination to right a perceived wrong. But she drove me crazy. She was so unaware of herself and her actions. I found it maddening that she expected everyone to be so understanding of her actions, even when she did nothing to explain them, but then refused to give other people the same courtesy. I found her to be a little self-absorbed and very immature, the her hypocrisy made me want to throw the book more than once.

If turmoil and bad choices aren’t your thing, you’re probably going to be in for a disappointment. These characters are a symphony of poor communication. Of assuming that the choices you make in order to protect other people, or because you think you know what they’re thinking, are always the right choices. This dance of missed opportunities is done throughout the book in multiple relationships, and really drives home the important of being open and honest with the ones you love. There is a certain Shakespearean elegance, (or perhaps it’s more Greek tragedy), to the relationships and how they develop (or fall apart) in this novel.

In this regard, it struck me over and over, how unfair and immature Dylan was being. She listens to people complain about people behaving a certain way in their lives, and even has those same issues with others, but completely fails to recognize it in her own self. And, when it comes to one rough spot, albeit a very bad rough spot, she simply shuts down and freezes everyone out. It’s difficult to go into the specifics without giving away spoilers. But, I can say, for a character who is told how perceptive she is to the needs of her patients, it’s amazing how little she lacks that same ability in her personal life. Or rather, she has it, she just simply doesn’t want to face it.

“I realize I may have pushed things too far. Maybe I didn’t want to hear his side, because it would bring me to this moment: facing the ugly truth. I’ve always known I was keeping Cooper at a distance, but I hoped he didn’t notice.”

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s how we are in real life. We all probably have the most difficultly seeing how we truly behave with others. And it’s hard to face the ugly truths about ourselves. When things aren’t personal, we are able to relax and follow what we know to be right and true. But when our hearts get in the way, our heads seem to short-circuit.

Of course, unlike Shakespeare, or the Greeks, this story doesn’t end in tragedy, or, at least not the tragedy you expect. This story is more about forgiveness, and all that word encompasses. Forgiving others, but especially forgiving our selves. And I did like how the author led the conclusion of that forgiveness down several different paths for the characters. Sometimes forgiveness means letting go. And sometimes it doesn’t.

Not liking the main character aside, I did enjoy this book. I find that books that make me really think and identify with what makes me uncomfortable are often some of the most satisfying books. I also find that people aren’t always likable, so why do we always expect that of the characters within our books? Even if I don’t want to be BFF’s with the characters in the pages, it made me think and feel and examine my reactions deeper than just the surface. And that’s worth reading.

This complexity makes it, I think, the absolute perfect book for the November book club pick. There is substance and depth to each of the characters. Not to mention, quite a few issues to keep conversation interesting; such as guilt, lies, secrets to just name a few.

If you’re interested, BookSparks is having an all day event with the author tomorrow! They will be updating their stories all day and having a Facebook Live chat with the author tomorrow at 10amPST/1pmEST. Join by clicking the links below!

You can follow them via their Instagram stories HERE

Join the Facebook Live chat HERE

Thank you to BookSparks for sending me a copy to read and review as part of FRC2017!

After Midnight – Review

“Alix knew she was in trouble.”

We open with that line, immediately pulling us into a story full of scandal and intrigue. Alix, blackmailed into impersonating her twin sister Lily, begins her misadventure by thinking Lily’s husband Nicholas to be an oblivious fool. Lily has assured her he pays no attention to her and will be completely unaware that she isn’t Lily. Alix agrees because she has to, and only hopes she can find the piece of paper hiding somewhere within the house that will free her of the ridiculous sham.

“It was not a dream that memory returned to her, but the deplorable act of the outrageous scheme that ensnared her.”

It’s difficult to unthread all the plots within this novel, without giving too much away. The base of the story, the blackmail, is very well done, and feels realistic when reading. It is easy to see the scandal Lily creates, the selfish person she is, and how she can corral Alix into participating in this scam.

“She was worse than a siren, simply devouring any man foolish enough to look at her.”

Nicholas, however, is far from dull, obtuse or unaware, and quickly begins to notice that things with his dear wife are not at all what they should be. It takes him quite awhile though to fully piece together what he thinks is happening. I really enjoyed how his disgust and contempt for his wife clouds his judgement and thinking. Not because it simply works to move the plot along, but also because I felt his struggle. What would it be like to live with someone you couldn’t ever trust, so much so, that you constantly second guess and are suspicious of every little thing they say or do?

“She turned to her minions and left him gazing after her in puzzled silence. He could barely stand to look at her, and yet he was as dazzled as if he had glimpsed the sun eclipsing clouds in her eyes.”

While impersonating Lily, Alix begins having nightmares, and her murky past starts to become somewhat clear to both us, and to Alix herself. Her uncle, Quentin, makes a journey to France in order to help uncover the secrets that Alix is desperate to remember.

There are a lot of side plots happening in this novel, and for the most part, they were easy to keep track of, and made the novel much richer for them. The one I didn’t quite understand was Robert’s role. I didn’t really understand role he played in the grand scheme of the novel, and within the specific plot he was written into. Most of the pieces with him felt unnecessary to me, and it felt like the pieces of the puzzle that he revealed, could have been more impactful through Quentin.

I also got frustrated with Quentin’s story. After all the time we spend with him, I felt like there still weren’t many answers of what actually happened that caused him to flee to England with his niece in tow, and live as a servant for two decades. It felt very vague, and everything in France wrapped up a little too easy for him to have been worried literally about dying if they came back.

The history, the touch of romance and all the scandal and intrigue made the book fun to read. I wanted to know what happened to Alix the entire time, and the pacing of that story unfolds nicely. I also really enjoyed Jenny, her maid. The relationship they develop, even knowing that Jenny has been in on it from the beginning, was quite lovely to read. In upcoming books, I hope that the tiny nugget of mystery that was written about why Jenny works for Lily comes out. That tiny detail drove me crazy. I wanted to hear more about that story!

“Times change.”

“And history remains.”

“It depends on who’s writing it.”

Overall, this book was very enjoyable. It ends rather abruptly, which felt less like a cliffhanger and more like hitting a brick wall, but there is a sequel coming June 2018, so at least there are answers coming! There are many, many things I need to know about. And if the book picks up where this one left off, I have no doubt that more scandal, mystery and intrigue is sure to follow!

If you enjoy historical fiction full of multi-threaded plots and mystery, this book is definitely for you. The added scandals of nobility make it even more fun to read! I look forward to reading the sequel next summer!

Thank you BookSparks for sending me a copy to read and review!

Sip – Review

“The sun was up, so the dark could start. All about the ground, all in the same direction, shadows sprawled. And this is what he was after.”

Oh how deliciously dark Sip is! A novel where we find ourselves 150 years in the future. A future where people can drink their shadows and change their bodies to float and distort in ways not possible before. But there is a heavy price. Once you drink, you must always drink. And if you drink too much, you are lost forever.

We follow two main characters, Murk, a shadow addict, and Mira, a girl who can hide her shadow. Mira’s mother is a shadow addict herself, but her fate is far worse than Murk. For when an addict sips your shadow, if they don’t stop they can steal the entire thing. And you are left the shell of who you once were, forced to sip shadows or face the madness beyond.

Of course, Murk doesn’t have life easy either. His leg was stolen from him. Chopped and taken, sold to the black market to be kept alive for a time on a machine invented for creating shadows. But he lost his leg before he lost his shadow, which offers him some protection as his shadow will never be whole.

This world is dark and gruesome, full of violence,  and run wild with madmen. But within this world are pockets of people trying to live normal lives, away from these addicts. Called domers, for they live beneath a dome. Blocking the sunlight and moonlight so that the addicts can’t steal their souls. The perimeter blocked by a perpetually running train and guarded by soldiers trained to shoot if anyone gets too near.

“Bored soldiers slaughtering innocents predates the naming of war, will go on after the words we call it are broken.”

Mira’s ability to control her shadow catches the interest of a domer, Bale. But his interest is expensive, and he gets thrown out of his dome as a penalty for not shooting her on sight.

Now the three of them, an unlikely trio, set off to test the theory that if you kill whomever stole your shadow before Halley’s Comet appears again, after the comet passes, you will return to normal. Mira desperately wants her mother back, and so she sets off on her quest. Time running out, since the comet is due within days.

Sip does not hold back on the brutal reality of a world overrun with addicts. I actually found the use of shadow addicts an interesting way to show the desperation and extremes addicts will go through for one fix, for one more high, for just one more. In a world where they are the majority, things can become chaotic and bleak very quickly.

We don’t see the world outside of the rural Texas area that Mira, Murk and Bale live, but we hear hints of other dome communities scattered about. All with trains running in circles to protect them. I thought it was fascinating how the addiction was also like a virus, contagious and rampant, and hit before people knew how to fight it. It is a unique dystopian unlike anything I’ve ever read before.

This book is dark in nature but shines bright within the characters it creates. Mira and Murk, unlikely friends, but friends all the same. And even Bale, with his knowledge of nothing but life within the dome will cause you to root for them, to root for their success. Because the journey is difficult, and filled with unexpected stops and obstacles along the way.

If you can’t stomach gritty, raw violence or the stark yet simple brutality of an apocalyptic future dominated by ruthless addicts, this is not a book for you. It will make you cringe, and your stomach turn, for death and violence is simply the way of life in this world, and Carr does not shy away from immersing the reader into the full experience of it.

“Some madnesses are so bizarre that they entice witnessing. Those in the bar who had been preoccupied with debauchery, who had been lost in the melee of drinking and lustful deeds, tapered their pursuits in order to watch this grimy operation.”

It is a book that requires you simply accept things as fact without necessarily understanding them. I didn’t ever get the full sense of why people could drink their shadows, or how it made them addicts. It isn’t that Carr doesn’t offer a brief history through the characters eyes, he does. But it is done in the way you would expect stories to be told. Vaguely, details lost or misunderstood with each telling, the decades between the event and the present altering it, diminishing it, leaving only what they deem important. You don’t get science, or factual information. However, not understanding didn’t take away from the rich narration of this world, or make it’s reality any less detailed.

The before and the after are less relevant to this story than the here and now. Which, if anyone has ever dealt with addiction, first hand or otherwise, it felt like this focus on the present story was a nod to the adage ‘One Day At A Time’ that you hear in meetings and therapy over and over. For addicts, there is only today, and so in that same way, we get the present. It felt poetic to me.

If it feels that perhaps the book may be ‘too out there’, or ‘weird’, I assure you it’s my own reluctance to delve into too many details. The world sounds difficult to picture, and the concepts may be hard to envision, but once you dive into this world, as gruesome and violent as it is, it is worth the journey. Once you begin, the characters pull you in and the sheer determination they have to move forward will move you forward too. It is a dark world. A violent one. Full of mayhem and criminality that makes the Wild West look like playtime in preschool. But you still can’t help but hope with the characters that life can always get better.

For my dark readers out there, this is a novel you do not want to miss! I will be reading Carr’s short stories and will for sure read anything he puts out next. I am a fan!

Thank you Soho Press for sending me a copy to read and review.

Today Will Be Different – Review

“Because the other way wasn’t working. The waking up just to get the day over with until it was time for bed. The grinding it out was a disgrace, an affront to the honor and long shot of being alive at all.”

Today Will Be Different is exactly the book I needed to read! The story about a woman, Eleanor Flood, struggling with her identity in so many ways. She is a writer, but she keeps avoiding her editor and pushing back the book. (minus the editor, SO RELATABLE) Excuses build, pressure mounts, anxiety looms!

The book opens with a mantra of all the things she will do differently. She will be present. She will make eye contact. She’ll spend time with her son and make effort with her husband. She will be kind to strangers and smile. There is more, but you get the idea. Her goal is to be the person she wants to be, not the person she generally is. Which is, quite frankly, a mess.

There is something to the theory that the Universe gives us what we need, and we see that theory shine as the day unfolds for Eleanor. First her son, Timby, says he is sick and the school makes her take him home. Determined to teach him a lesson, they end up going to her husband’s office, where his staff thinks they’ve been on vacation. They haven’t. She is forced to take Timby to a lunch she tried to cancel, only to find out that it was with a former colleague. And he doesn’t know that parts of her past were definitely, assuredly, and soundly put to rest in the past. Now Timby is asking questions he shouldn’t be asking, Eleanor still doesn’t know where her husband is, and nothing in her day unfolds anything like what she envisioned when she woke up.

“The world isn’t your friend,” Joe told Eleanor. “It’s not designed to go your way. All you can do is make the decisions to muscle through and fight the trend.”

I completely related to Eleanor. Not just with her sarcasm, or the way she really does try to make better decisions. It is a struggle sometimes to remember to be grateful, or to smile at strangers, or to remember the little things when the big things feel so big. It isn’t that you mean to fall in a rut with your marriage, or to get frustrated when your kid is being a kid. It just can happen sometimes. We all need reminders to help us stay on track. And when reminders don’t work, well, getting knocked with a hard dose of reality usually does the trick.

And that’s what this book is about. Eleanor has been in a rut. A big rut for a long time. But her husband was always the steady hand guiding her on the tightrope she felt balanced on. She knew him. She could rely on him. So, when he isn’t in the office, the giant flare of ‘what ifs’ force Eleanor into a full panic. Which, again, I think is completely understandable. Everything is fine. Until it isn’t.

While Eleanor scrambles through her day trying to solve the mystery of Joe, she is dragging along her third grade son, and the conversations these two had were amazing.

“Gee, I said. “I always thought you didn’t get my jokes.”

“I get them,” he said. “Most of the time they’re just not funny.”

Anyone who has had a child too smart for their own good can probably relate to that! The other thing I adored about this book, is this is all one day. It may seem that filling a book with the mundanity of a single day would be tedious and boring. Except, it isn’t. The brilliance in this, is of course, we’ve all had days like that. Maybe not in these exact circumstances, but I know I have had more than one day that seems to stretch into an eternity of disaster. We empathize with Eleanor more and more as the endless procession of he day just keeps unfolding, and she just tries to stay afloat.

The book sounds like it should be an eye-rolling romp through first-world problems. But the thing that makes it leap from tolerable to entertaining is that Eleanor completely admits to the ridiculousness of her life, and her problems. She is up front about why her life shouldn’t be as hard as she makes it. She is self-deprecating and full on admits that her problems are tame in nature to people with more serious obstacles in their way.

“If I’m forced to be honest, here’s an account of how I left the world last week “worse, worse, better, worse, same, worse, same. Not an inventory to make one swell with pride.”

This book may not resonate with everyone. I get that. We don’t all have mid-life crises looming or wonder how our lives landed in such different places than we aimed. It isn’t that life is bad. It’s just not how we pictured. It runs away with itself, and we can be helpless passengers. The trick is in admitting that we allow the train to derail. That we slip into the gentle comfort of mediocrity so that we can then blame the world for our misfortune or bad luck. Today Will Be Different gently nudges us into this realization that life is indeed what we make of it. That we cannot rely on the steady husband or the tenacious child to hold us afloat. That we must face the secrets of our past, and that we must choose the life we want to live. Of course, all of this is easier said than done.

It is easier to accept difficult truths through laughter, and this book, if nothing else will let you laugh. Eleanor is a character in every aspect of the word. And perhaps, through the people she meets, or the situations she finds herself in, you may also find that you can laugh at yourself as well.

Thank you Little, Brown for sending me a copy to read and review! I LOVED it!!!

Daughter4254 – Review + GIVEAWAY

Daughter4254 used to think life in a community where art, music and names are outlawed would suffocate her creative spirit. Now that she’s rotting in a prison cell, she’s not sure her dying mother made the right choice when she entrusted her with the secrets of rebellion. Prison has given her plenty of time to relive every mistake and lose all hope.

Then she meets Thomas, a fellow inmate, who tells her stories of the mythical mountain colonies where people have names and the arts thrive. Together they plot an escape, knowing if they fail, they will die. Or worse, their consciousness will be taken by the MindWipe, leaving their bodies free for the government to use. When nothing goes as planned, Daughter4254 must choose between using her mother’s secret to better the world she hates, or following Thomas to the quiet life of freedom she has always craved.

DAUGHTER 4254

Welcome to November! I am so thrilled to be kicking off November with this book! thank you Rockstar Book Tours for letting me part of this awesome tour. Click the photo above or click HERE for more information about them and upcoming tours. And be sure to check out the links below for the rest of the tour for Daughter 4254.

“My mother’s words come back to me: “Beware of beauty in this life, child. It will break your heart.”

Daughter 4254 is a haunting dystopian set in a world far in the future. A world where only things deemed “useful” are legal. Beauty, art, love, color, compassion, laughter. These are not useful. They do not feed the population or help them fight illness, or live. so they are illegal. Forbidden. Names aren’t useful, so citizens are given numbers instead.

We meet Daughter 4254 as she struggles in a prison. We don’t know her crime, only that she fears having her mind wiped. Her very essence wiped from her brain, leaving her useful (and compliant) body in return. The days progress miserably, and we see that while positive emotion is frowned upon, absence of it doesn’t make people kind or tolerant. It leaves them harsh and sterile instead.

“Our civilization cannot survive if we don’t all comply. We have limited resources and must make the best use of everything, including our time.”

Statham alternates each chapter to be a Before and an After. Before prison and after. The tension in seeing what life is like between these two timeframes is incredible. Each reality holds its own horror, and the entire time you are wondering what could she have done to have landed in prison. And, even more importantly, what will happen next. In this way we get a lot of backstory for this society without losing the tension or fast pacing of the plot. It is quite remarkable to write a story where I want to know both what happened, what’s happening and what’s going to happen all at the same time!

Life for 4254 gets interesting when for reasons unknown to her, she is moved to a new cell block. One where she can hear and see other prisoners, though she is ordered to not speak to them. One prisoner in particular, Thomas, with a name not a number doesn’t listen to rules though.

“He smiles at me, an irresistible grin filled with mischief and mayhem.”

I loved this book! Dystopian novels always hold a special place in my heart, especially when they examine the dark underside of humanity. I found this society fascinating. Every detail that emerged made complete sense in the construct of their logic, and yet was just as horrifying to imagine. Even worse, (or better, for dystopian sake), was that it was easy to see how a society like this could emerge. There are some very famous psychological experiments that this society felt very similar to. It was chilling how similar they felt.

Daughter 4254 ends with the possibility of more to come, and I do hope this story continues! I need to know more, and am looking forward to exploring this world outside of the confines of a prison or strict community structure. More exists, and I can’t wait to unravel it. I am especially excited to see the development of 4254 herself. She was already pushing boundaries within herself, but was still stuck within the logic of how she was raised. It will be interesting to see how freedom truly helps her evolve into a more developed person.

Even the nature of the rebellion itself felt like there was more to them than we initially saw. Are they actually good, or not? Its an interesting question that I’m dying to learn more about! I also hope we see more of 4254’s roommate, 0203. She was a fascinating character, curious and smart, and I really hope she plays a larger role in upcoming books.

This is my first novel by Statham but I am already a fan! I will be dying to read the next book and will be looking up her other books in the meantime.

Anyone who loves good dystopian fiction needs to read this book! It is a fast read that will simply leave you breathless in it’s pages. You’ll love getting to know these characters while reviling the society they live in. Dystopian at it’s best, if you ask me. Daughter 4254 comes out November 7, and the links for purchase can be found below (none are affiliate links).

Be sure to enter the GIVEAWAY for your chance to win a finished copy or a $25 Amazon gift card! AMAZING!!!

Once again, thank you Rockstar book Tours for sending me a copy to read and review for this tour!

 

D4254-CoverTitle: DAUGHTER 4254

Author: Leigh Statham

Pub. Date: December 5, 2017

Publisher: Owl Hollow Press

Pages: 286

Formats: Paperback, eBook

Find it: AmazoniBooksThe Kings English (exclusive signed copies)Goodreads

ohp-LeighStathamLeigh Statham was raised in the wilds of rural Idaho but found her heart in New York City. She worked at many interesting jobs before settling in as a mother and writer.

She now resides in North Carolina with her husband, four children, eight chickens, a fluffy dog, and two suspected serial killer cats.

Leigh is currently working on an MFA, has written countless short stories, and is the author of lots of mediocre poetry. She is also the winner of the 2016 Southeast Review Narrative Nonfiction Prize for her short story “The Ditch Bank and the Fenceline.”

Website |Twitter |Instagram | Facebook | WattpadGoodreads

Giveaway Details:

1 winner will receive a $25 Amazon Gift Card, US Only.

2 winners will receive a finished copy of DAUGHTER 4254, US only.

Click below to enter!

Giveaway3

 

Tour Schedule:

Week One:

10/25/2017- BookHounds YA– Interview

10/25/2017- Fan-Girl-Tabulous– Review

10/26/2017- Reese’s Reviews– Excerpt

10/26/2017- Caffeine and Composition– Review

10/27/2017- Hooked To Books– Guest Post

10/27/2017- YA Obsessed– Review

Week Two:

10/30/2017- Maddie.TV– Interview

10/30/2017- The Desert Bibliophile– Review

10/31/2017- Wandering Bark Books– Excerpt

10/31/2017- Kindle and Me– Review

11/1/2017- Wishful Endings– Interview

11/1/2017- Jena Brown Writes– Review

11/2/2017- Stuffed Shelves– Review

11/2/2017- Life of A Simple Reader– Review

11/3/2017- Books, Vertigo and Tea– Excerpt

11/3/2017- Savings in Seconds– Review

Week Three:

11/6/2017- Two Chicks on Books– Interview

11/6/2017- Cindy’s Love of Books– Review

11/7/2017- Captivated Reading– Review

11/7/2017- Bookalicious– Review